“We Fight Too Much.”

Can't handle the heat.

A passionate lover makes life worth living. However, when that passion becomes a part of daily life, the problems in a relationship start. I have had lovers that were extremely passionate in all areas of life and have failed to understand why they yelled at me. I have also been the one with too much passion for my lover’s to handle out of the bedroom.

Everyone has a hot button, something that makes them angry enough to fight. Understanding not just what your hot button is but your partner’s, as well, is essential in having a peaceful relationship. This way you can avoid some of the worst arguments by NOT PUSHING THEIR BUTTONS and not letting them push yours. However, no two people will agree on everything. Eventually, there will be arguments in any relationship. The key is how you deal with these situations. There are a few ways that people handle arguments.

Keeping score: There are arguments, yelling, and hurt feelings. Early on in the relationship, people seem to overlook these moments. However, as time goes on, these moments are remembered. They will even be brought up as a way to win an argument in the future because at some point that will be the most important thing in the relationship, winning the argument.

Ignoring it: This is the one of the worst ways to handle an argument in my opinion. The feelings and doubts will only fester. They need to be dealt with.

Letting it go: Usually only one person in the relationship does this. This can cause serious problems later on in the relationship and does not lead to an equal partnership. The person that lets it go will start to resent their partner. The other partner will lose respect for this person. Eventually love will turn to hate and the relationship either ends badly or just becomes one long argument.

Physical altercation: If this happens, the relationship should end right there. Perhaps, both parties can get counseling but this relationship is not healthy for anyone involved.

Sex: For some people, sex is the way to end an argument. This does, at first, seem to be a good idea. However, sex is not a substitute for talking and it does not resolve the problem. Eventually, the problem has to be dealt with or it will fester and cause the end of the relationship.

Talking it out: Talking can be best way to deal with disagreements. However, passion does not just exist in the bedroom and yelling and hurt feelings could occur. It may be best to put the discussion off until everyone has calmed down.

Everybody is different. How one person calms down is not necessarily how another person does. For me, talking is not the best way for me to get my emotions out. Writing works best. It helps me to calm down and to get perspective.

Of course, the main problem with any relationship is that it involves more than one person. You can be the talk it out type person but if your partner is a keeping score type person. There will be tension. You have to remember that you can’t control other people. You can only control yourself. Do not let them bring you into to their scorecard. Be the reasonable one. This does not mean be the one that lets it go. Just walk away until the situation is calm, then and only then insist on talking. One way I have dealt with this in the past is to write a letter, this helps lay all my thoughts out. However, you then have to listen to the other person’s feelings, as well.

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About susankinchen

I say I am a writer. I have written on another blog and for school work. I have started several novels but could never finish them. The ideas come at me and keep my brain going. Sometimes, I can’t sleep because they just wont stop. This is my place to share my stories with the world. Also, my place to share my insights, thoughts, and ideas.

Posted on January 11, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Hello, Susan
    I just posted one of your articles on my website: http://successwithlifecoaching.com/love-and-relationships/how-to-build-up-trust/
    I am taking this opportunity to let you know that I believe I can help you create a clear vision for your ultimate success so you know exactly what you want, where you’re headed and what you need to do to make it happen. I will help you to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your ability to finish writing your books, or getting the man of your dreams once and for all. After our first FREE session you will feel renewed, re-energized and inspired to turn your life around and achieve your goals. You may contact me at rosangelalifecoach@gmail.com and read more about me at my blog: http://www.successwithlifecoaching.com.
    Thanks for sharing with us your ideas, insights and your thoughts. Have a Happy New Year!

    Rosangela

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